D.I.V.I.N.G

2012-01-15T16:31:00.001+08:00

Finally.. After a long struggle.. Today, after a talk with Dr Esther Goh.. I think it has been affirmed.. Im really not cut out to be a Social Worker..
1) motivation / calling
2) emotional strength
3) goodness of fit

Other than number 2 (which obviously i hav if not i wouldn't have hang on for sooo long.. Haha) i think for number 1&3, is suffice for me to come to terms that perhaps SW is not the industry for me..

I'm on the journey towards self-discovery, i guess.. Erm.. But isnt it too late? Nopes nopes.. Time is nv wasted in self-discovery, tat was what i was told.. And trying hard to convince myself too. Coz i feel as though im left at the way behind.. Coz i shld have found out wat career i shld embark onto way before i took my degree, tats wat i thot.. Right now, thank God that i discover fast (i hope its fast enough! =p).. and i really wanna be guided onto the suitable career path.. I do not wanna "waste" anymore time and wanna work hard for a better future.. Holding on a good career with great prospects and of coz having a great family supporting me thru too! =)

Has my SW journey come to an end?
Yes, I think..

But right now, the qns is..
Where? Where do i wanna head towards now?

Dear God, please guide me..

2011-12-26T22:47:00.001+08:00

Dear Father,

Please bless my friend Steven. He's been struggling for the past 3 weeks in ICU, he's been strong, but it really is painful to watch him suffering, especially his family and gf. Please watch over him, God. Please bless him with speedy recovery, bless that his organs are recovering and back to normal functions. Please bless that he need not rely on the oxygen tube and that he's able to breathe on his own. Please bless him with strength, perseverance and courage and determination to pull through this struggling phrase. Please watch over him, Father.

2011-12-18T09:33:00.000+08:00

hahaha super belated post.. but its ok! =p

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY

18th Nov 2011

I can still remember the events before we got together,

and also all the dates and adventure after we got together..

All the sweet beautiful times together..

I thank God for bringing you into my life.

To reflect back on my life,

it seemed as though every event that happened

was to prepare me to meeting you..

I thank God for that too

I can still clearly remember the first time I met you..

I was NUS year 1 student,

join in NUSSU Welfare as a Vice Chairperson

and you were NUSSU PRU Chairperson.

We were all gathered in YIH for the 1st NUSSU Comm Meeting.

Then my Chair introduced me to you,

coz your committee helped us to keep some logistics items,

which you didn't even know about it

-.-

(after understanding you now, i knw why u dont knw haha)

At first, I thought you were a girl!

Coz your name sounded like "Dawn" haha

So imagine the shock that I experience after knowing that..

You are NOT a girl,

and you are SOOOOO big!! Hahaha

That was our first encounter..

Then later on,

I took "advantage" of your size =p haha

Coz my committee was organising food festival

and has a melon-seed eating competition.

Looking at your size,

I thought you were the best candidate. Haha

Though you said you wanted to come, in the end,

You didn't come for the competition. Haha

Now reflecting back,

It felt as though it was all under God's control..

Soon after,

NUSSU has the annual Freshmen Orentitation Central Committee (FOCC)

and I joined in as the Secretary,

while you are the FIC Project Director.

Being in FOCC

I always remember you as someone

who doesn't RSVP you attendance,

that is very irritating coz I have to keep chasing you for it.

Which later you gave the excuse that you don't pick up random numbers,

coz you are afriad that its some random insurance agent..

I always remember you as someone

who's EXTREMELY insistent that we order t-shirts

from the company that has your size.

And you even gave us your chest size measurement!

I always can't stop laughing when you are so

persistent and determined to get your size.

Sometimes, I find your persistency abit too over haha

I always remember you as someone

who doesnt really participate during meeting

coz you are either playing games or watching videos online!

Haha

While im typing out all the meeting mins like mad,

and dont really understand what you guys are talking about half the time. Haha

When we think back together as a couple..

then you disclosed that you'd been "eyeing" at me during meetings,

and found my "blurness" cute! Hahaha

And you were also worried if I could understand what was happening during meeting,

coz I look super confused most of the times..

To tell you honestly,

I was confused ALL the times! Haha

Things only start to spark after almost a year,

when we are already going to "graduate" from FOCC..

I think it was the last or the 2nd last meeting for NUSSU Committees.

We were in a LT, when I was sitting right infront of you..

The most vivid thing i recalled was..

That the NVAC presented on a volunteer project,

and you actually said,

"I think I shall go and volunteer"

Hearing that from you,

I turned and looked at you in disbelief and mock!

Hahahaha

YOU? VOLUNTEER?!

Hahahaha

Then after the meeting,

it just so happened that I need to arrange for a FOCC dinner,

and you kept "disturbing" me to pay for the dinner.

Hahaha

This was the start..

Then we started to have chats..

And you tried to "disturb" me more often..

BUT..

Hahaha

I wasn't really into it..

And just wanted to patronise you =p

Then you finally asked me out..

On a movie date, with 2 free movie premier tickets your dad has..

That was when I was stunned..

"OMG. What have I placed myself into?"

HAHAHAHA

In the end, with the encouragment of my sisters,

I decide to go with you.

What a big step i had to take!

HAHAHAHA in my heart I was thinking,

"REALLY?! HIM?!"

HAHAHA

Then you asked me out for more dates..

Which I insist that its not "dates", and insist that its "field trips".

Hahahaha

Coz i wasn't really sure if I wanna go on "date" with you..

Hahahaha

So "field trip" sounded more friendly and neutral!

Hahaha

For almost 1/2 year,

and a "rejection" once =p

Haha

I must admit that you were really nice and thoughful..

You even came up with the "Keep Elene Healthy Kit" =)

I dont know how to express it,

You were special and different.

(not just in terms of your size, i must say. Haha)

You made me feel.. Special.. Different..

Couldn't really express it..

Then came the day..

730days ago..

It was God's plan..

You came during my 21st birthday chalet at Aranda Country Club..

you came with 2 big presents for me

=))

heehee.. of coz I was secretly happy..

Though you told me not to open the presents until I reached home..

I didn't =p

Was too excited to wanna open your present first..

Then I saw your love letter for me..

I thought about it thoroughly for the next 2 days..

When I finally took the chance to respond back to you..

I was still so hesitant and uncertain.. haha..

and then..

when you misinterpreted the message and thought that I had rejected you again..

a thought had flashed across my mind,

"Was it fated? Should I just let this misunderstanding just continue on?"

Initially, I wanted to give up and just let the misunderstanding continue,

coz it seem as though "it is fated" that you misunderstand it..

BUT..

another thought flashed across my mind..

"We only live this once, it is better to clear all misunderstandings,

and not let regrets fill us up in life.."

Everything seemed to be under God's control..

That is why we are celebrating our 2nd Anniversary! =)

and of coz there's many many more to come! =)

Thank you for the lovely gift, Honey! =)

I really love it!

The anniversary gift + bday gift + xmas gift!

But you must know that its not the money that matters,

its your sincerity and the value you have given me in my life! =)

I LOVE YOU!

And of course, not forgetting my anniversary gifts to you too! =)

I hope you love them all too!

Hello my Mr Prince Charming =)

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY!

THANK YOU MY DEAREST SISTERS!

for giving me such a BIG BIG surprise!

I was really very shocked in my most "cui-ness" condition..

WHAHAHAHA

I LOVE YOU ALL! =)

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, MY SISTERS!

All the love, support and hopes you all have provided me with all these years..

Especially the dreams that we shared together! =)

Though we are at different stages in our lives now,

Though we may not meet that often now,

BUT do know that you all are still as important as before,

and that whatever happens,

I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU ALL! =)

THANK YOU MY SISTERS!

I LOVE YOU ALL! =)

2011-12-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Wow.. Its been almost a year since the start of my career life! I really cant imagine how did I manage to survive, and honestly i didnt really have much self growth and development in this career. In fact, reflecting back, i dont even knw what exactly have i done, and what i have been doing.. As the day passes, i get more and more lost day by day.. Trying harder and harder to figure out the purpose of my career, and how i shld advance from here. What shld I do? I seemed to be very trapped.. And continuing in this career is definitely not going to benefit myself and my clients..

Today is just another example.. My Head sms me saying that a client in sent to A&E coz the client ate a mothball.. I totally had no reaction and was "unfeeling" to that sms.. It was only until my colleague asked me if I knw abt the incident, then i suddenly realised how urgent and important is the situation, and i shld show worry and concern for the client. But why didnt I? Wat was I thinking that the moment when I saw the sms?

Subconsciously, was I trying to be detached and disconnected frm my clients? Hence, I am no longer sensitive to their needs and their well-being. This is bad.. Its not an deliberate act of "ignorance", but really at that point of time i was really "cold-blooded".. Why why why?

Why am I like this? I dislike the way I am now, the kind of attitude I have towards work now.. I dislike everything im now.. Why why why?

2011-11-12T21:31:00.001+08:00

There's alot of books about..

"100 places to go before you die", etc..

Perhaps we should take some time to think and reflect about..

"100 things to do for / do with your parents/siblings/friends, before they meet God"

2011-10-27T23:21:00.004+08:00

If I had ever seen to be confident of myself..

I must have been a very good actress..

I admit I am..

coz even sometimes, I've managed to convince myself that I'm confident of myself..

But in actual fact, I know I'm not..

I had never been confident of myself before..

Not before, not now.. never..

Why did I allow myself to be so insecure?

Why did I give Satan the opportunity to destroy me?

Why did I give evil a chance to pull me down?

I didn't want to avoid, I dont like it..

Just 30secs.. how can it so easily destroy me.. why why why?

Destroyed so much that I've built through the years..

The courage and all..

Why?

Why must I let the past, the evil, the Satan take over me?

Dear Father, please protect me..

no no.. dont protect me.. let me face the music..

Please plant courage within me..

Let me have the courage, the bravery to face it all..

With this, I will have to be a stronger person..

A braver person to face all challenges..

2011-10-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

Hungry and tired..
And blogged down with work..
Who's not?

Is this the "singaporean" lifestyle?
Haix..

And once again, today i had to miss an pre-arranged appointment to settle work stuffs..

Guess wat.. And today is our 23rd month anniversary!

Thank har work..
Thanks for not allowing me to take a break..
Thanks for testing my endurance level and my ability to finish all those task..
Thanks for putting me thru all these obstacles and realise that human relation is not easy to handle..

I SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED BY YOU!!

JIAYOUSsss gal!
U HAVE TO DO IT!!!
Hang in there!!

Thank God, I have a great bf who understands.. =)
I LOVE YOU.. *hugs*

2011-09-12T19:28:00.001+08:00

Dear Father,

Please do Your will through me..
Please guide me through..
I need Your guidance and Your wisdom to lead me..
Father, please lead me..

2011-09-09T23:41:00.001+08:00

Funniest conversation overheard at "Smurfs" movie today..

Person 1: "yi lao pei si liao har"
(in hokkien: 他老爸死了 har)

Person 2: "BO LAR! Kue ki lai lar"
(in hokkien: BO LAR! 关起来 lar)

2011-09-01T13:03:00.001+08:00

I wanted to find a purpose in life..

So i studied this thinking that it will add purpose n meaning into my life..

So i get into this purposeful and meaningful career.. I start to think..
What exactly do I find meaning n purpose in this career?

Now that im in this meaningful career, yet I find no purpose n meaning to it..

Why?
Have I made the wrong move?
How do I find meaning and purpose in my life and career now?

I think it doesnt mean that with a meaningful career, you will be able to find purpose n meaning in your career and life..
I think with the right purpose n meaning that you see in ur career, it will make your career and your life meaningful..

2011-08-29T19:34:00.001+08:00

What a nice nice weather =)
so tempting.. Wanna go to the beach for a walk! =)

BUT wait..
Have to spring clean my house first! =)

2011-08-27T11:27:00.001+08:00

Miss those times when we go around exploring! Shall re-light my adventurous spirit! =)

2011-08-27T11:18:00.001+08:00

Oh.. Should i go take a walk at the beach? The weather is like tempting me to go! =) then i can try to explore where is the farm house..

2011-08-27T11:17:00.001+08:00

Today's such a cooling nice morning =)

Enjoying my walk this morning..
The weather is so nice =)

Start your day with a smile
And end it with a smile too! =))

2011-08-22T19:06:00.001+08:00

I have so much struggles about what should I do after my bond..
Should I continue my work here? Should I go elsewhere? Should I do youth work?

But as I thot of all these, I struggled.. Am I suitable for youth work? Will I excel? Am I suitable to be a social worker? Am I suitable to be in the social work industry?

I keep questioning myself.. Trying to find out what I should do after my bond, so that I have a goal to work towards, to motivate me through my lifelong career..

Then.. Just recently.. I realised.. I felt so much more relieved.. So much happier.. Having the thought that I shall NOT do social work as my lifelong career.. I felt SOOOOOO good by the thought of it..

Though I still duno what I wanna do.. But having the thought that I dont wanna be a social worker.. Makes me sooo motivated to work towards the end of my bond! =)

Though I know that it is inevitable that ppl may say "not so nice" things. Like wasted my education studying social work or like "i told u last time not to study social work".. I know.. I think I may not be prepared for all these "talks". But I guess.. Once I know what exactly I want for my life, for my lifelong career.. I need not be "fearful" of all these "talks" anymore.. Coz I know what I want in life..

If you had not found the right direction..
The speed is irrelevant..

2011-08-17T22:24:00.001+08:00

How come i find more purpose n meaning during my studying journey as compared to my current career journey??

2011-08-13T00:00:00.001+08:00

Random thought..

Isit coz i now know tat WWF is all "fake n staged", tats why it looked so fake now..

OR..

Isit coz the new season of WWF players are not as professional n as good as the "老鸟"

Haha

2011-08-08T17:34:00.001+08:00

Where shall I go n wat shall i do now?

Find out where's the horse farm at pasir ris?

Take a slow walk at pasir ris park?

Go back TP get my bicycle n cycle back home?

Go sentosa n enjoy the beach n fresh air?

Go marina n take a look at sunset and its beautiful scenery?

Go to henderson waves?

Go marina barage?

Go bedok reserviour?

Sneak into one of the condos to hav a swim? Haha

I duno..
I juz need a break from work..
A break from my usual routine of work, home, work, home, work, home..

I juz need a break..

2011-08-04T22:31:00.001+08:00

t'has oblidat de mi l'amor?

2011-07-29T20:23:00.001+08:00

Dear Father,

Please lead me..
Please guide me..
I am weak..
I need your support and guidance..
I need you..

2011-07-18T20:41:00.001+08:00

Jalan Kayu..

Our 1st date..
Now.. Its going to be our future home!
Haha..
How fascinating!

2011-07-12T21:10:00.001+08:00

I discovered sth interesting..
I can conduct assessments n put into perspectives the issues my clients face.. Though im still not very skilled at it.. Haha but i can still pull thru =p

But i cant seem to be able to do so onto myself, my family, my friends n my love ones.. like some sort of mental block..

I think its sub-conscious thingy tat i dont wanna treat them as my clients.. I wanna treat them as my love ones.. =))

2011-07-10T21:05:00.004+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS!

to myself... hahaha

After 15.5 years of intensive and drilling of education..

FINALLY!

I've got the "piece of paper" which cost about..

let's calculate JUST the school fees..

Primary school (~$12/year x 6 years = $72)

Secondary school (~$20/year x 4 years = $80)

Polytechnic (~$2,800/year x 3 years = $8,400)

University (~$7,000/year x 2.5 years = $17,500 BUT minus 1.5years scholarship = $7,000)

TOTAL (with scholarship) = $ 15,552

TOTAL (without scholarship) = $29,052

O.O!

Here I'm..

Realising the dream of my lifetime..

A dream that I've been planning and building

since I was in primary school..

obtaining a degree!

hahaha

though the journey wasn't easy..

i took the route which i didnt expect..

but the journey was GREAT!

i've not regretted my choice..

and i believe that whatever that i've been through,

is to better prepare myself for what lies for me in the future..

i wont say that my educational learning journey was ended,

coz i know that i will still continue to learn as i progress..

as i walk into the next chapter of my life..

i'm thankful of my family and friends who has always been by my side..

i'm thankful of my Honey! =)

i'm even more thankful & grateful of God's blessing and mercy on me..

I LOVE YOU ALL!

I LOVE YOU HONEY EVEN MORE DEEP DEEP! =)

hahaha

2011-07-09T10:20:00.001+08:00

Suddenly early this morning this song kept playing in my mind =)

In His time
In His time
He makes all things beautiful
In His time
Lord please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your way
That You do just what You say
In Your time

In Your time
In Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time
Lord my life to You I bring
May each song I hav to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
In Your time

2011-07-09T00:41:00.001+08:00

Im secretly praying n hoping that just someday.. Just one day..

=/ oh man.. I feel that I'm too selfish to be wishing for that.. I'm just demanding too much..

2011-07-09T00:24:00.001+08:00

Am i important?
Or am i important no more?

Am i special?
Or am i special no more?

Where am i now?

2011-07-09T00:23:00.001+08:00

Haix. Who can i turn to?
Sometimes i do regret saying it. Coz it feels like what i say is deemed as stupid n useless.. Haix..

2011-06-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

Me: "whahahah why are you so scared of cockroach?"

Honey: "I bet the same situation happened, you will be super scared too!"

Me: "NO~ But you are the man, you have to protect me! If not, next time our own home have cockroach, HOW?"

Honey: "Don't worry, I will make sure that our home is going to be cockroach-free!"

Me: "HOW seh? I KNOW! Let's train our son to fight the cockroach, be at the frontline to protect us!"

HAHAHA

2011-06-27T23:35:00.001+08:00

I'm thankful for everything, good or bad =)

Thank you God =)

2011-06-16T00:44:00.001+08:00

If only..
I can be beside u right now..

2011-06-03T00:44:00.001+08:00

Oh man..
So many things happened at work..
One thing after one..
Havent resolve..
Then another thing happen..
Until i hav no time to kinda sit down n think thru.. No time to slowly sit down n think to respond.. Have to juz go go go do do do quick quick quick..

Duno isit coz the stress level is still not that high.. OR
isit i can still handle this amt of stress.. OR
Isit i've up my stress level..OR
im already immune to this kinda stress level..

Coz im think kinda numb to tis amt of stress already..

And i've been having nightmares..
And for the past wk.. I kept waking up at 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, for no reasons.. Duno why..

Cant hav proper rest..
Feeling kinda tired at work..

Like when im working, i dont feel tired, like i'll feel like i hav so much to do, have to keep charge! Charge! Charge! Until a point in time that i hav so much to do, do until i duno where to start doing..

Until when its lunch time, when i can finally take a breather.. Then i suddenly feel super tired.. Drowsy.. N eyes half closed. But when i reached my office table.. CHARGE!!

Then when its nearing to end of the day.. Still CHARGING! sometimes the time passes so quickly tat i cant seem to wanna go home.. Coz i knw tat if i go hm nw, things yet to settle, tml will hav more to settle. Sometimes things hav to settle like now, coz cant be delayed..

Then when i reach hm.. Sometimes i worry abt tml.. Worry abt wat i will forget to do.. Worry abt how shld i do.. Worry abt which one i shld do first.. Worry abt which stuffs i havent do..

Gosh.. Is tis the life of a working adult?

Anyw tml im organising the camp.. Im not prepared, not ready.. N i hope i wont be late!!! =p

Please God give me strength n wisdom! =)

2011-05-23T22:28:00.003+08:00

TOMORROW IS THE DAY!

24th May 2011..

It will be the day which determines whether..

a couple in love,

a couple planning for their future together..

will get their HOUSE!

Like the picture above..

It's all like a lovely scenario..

A loving couple..

planning for their future..

going around excitedly choosing their dream house..

a place where they can enjoy staying in..

a place where they believe they can provide good environment for their kids..

a place where they will call home..

Sounds so beautiful..

Fantasy is always Fantasy..

Time to come back into reality..

Time to return back into Singapore..

Whereby.. getting a flat, a house..

Is merely a LUCKY DRAW GAME!!

not only so.. its pretty 'forceful' too..

Those who been through the process in this current era..

will understand how we feel..

and grumble at the inefficiency of the policies..

And this is the 'reality' of what we are facing now..

HAHAHAHA

STRESSED!

DILEMMA!

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

if we take this BTO,

there's only left with low levels!!!

if we don't take this BTO,

we will be confiscated of all the bonus ballots that we'd earned!

moreover, the next time if there's low levels again,

most prob we can't reject!

coz we are only allowed to reject twice,

and then be reaped off of all the 1st timer privileges!

oh man..

what a game to play..

choosing our future home is like playing a game..

with lucky draw elements to start the game..

but compared to other couples who applied 7 times,

or couples who are financially unable to afford, etc..

we are really very blessed!

Nonetheless..

we both have been praying hard..

awaiting for the call, the signal,

to guide us..

Like what Honey told me..

Philippians 4:6-7

"Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything.

With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.

Then because you belong to Christ Jesus,

God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand.

And this peace will control the way you think and feel."

GOD IS IN CONTROL

We trust in Him..

May His will be done tomorrow =)

2011-05-05T17:08:00.003+08:00

planning something for the next 5 years.. hahaha

hopefully.. i will persevere till then.. hahah..

JIAYOUS!!! =)

Dear Father,

Please guide me through my career..

Amen..

2011-04-29T15:34:00.001+08:00

Wow! Royal wedding is happening NOW!!

Wow! Can i also have a wedding in england n name the theme "royal".. Royal wedding! =) since my grandaunt is also staying in england!! =)

2011-04-28T12:15:00.001+08:00

Im lost again..
Erm.. Anyw... I've never ever been "un-lost".. So it shld be..

I AM STILL LOST..

Its been only 4months but yet every single day has been torturing to feel tat there's no purpose / meaning in this career of mine. To feel that i've been totally drained. To feel that im physically in my job, but mentally somewhere else which im lost..

Have i juz made myself feel tat its non-purposeful? Have i forced myself to be less involved? Have i felt so negative that made me perform negatively?

Yes, i believe so.. N i also believe its a 2-way vicious cycle too.. The low job satisfaction, made me feel negative, and in turn i keep seeing everything as low.. N then further lowering job satisfaction, etc..

What exactly do i want in life? Why am i so "unstable"? What exactly is the "meaning" in my life? Why am i constantly lost? Why am i always feeling so insecure abt my career? I know tat i cant answer all these questions within a day.. I also knw tat i cant answer them all without ppl's help.. Without praying too..

But im getting impatient.. Im stepping closer n closer to being burnt out. Draining my emotions, my mental health.. To being a bad social worker.. To harming my clients n their families. By not performing my best. By being "detached" "disconnected" "less involved" with them.. Im getting less n less compassionate n passionate.

I've never felt so uncertain before.. So lost.. So fearful of what will the future bring..

Am i not prepared for a social work career? Am i even unsuitable to be in this industry? Shld i hav not even studied social work degree n have juz continued with biz degree instead? Shld i hav followed my parents advice to be a teacher / accountant? Why am i at this path in life? Why am i where i stand today? Wat shld my nxt step be?

Why am i feeling so drained? At least i've concluded that..
1. It is emotionally draining. I dont wanna be involved in direct work. I dont wanna be soo involved in client / family matters. They r draining me. Stretching me.

2. There's no career advancement in tis org. Unless i work for 10yrs n be titled a senior (erm.. Tats all.. Juz a title..) or unless i work for 40yrs n be CEO! haha wat career prospect do i hav? Wat can i look forward to?

3. Pay! I never thot tat im concerned abt finances. Coz i always thot tat wat's more impt is job satisfaction! =) but.. Over here.. There's low job satisfaction, low career prospect, low pay too.. But i would consider myself very blessed as my other seniors earned way lesser comparing both our starting pay. I feel so sad for them.. Kena cheated like tat. But anyw.. How many more yrs / decades / centuries do i hav to work to earn close to $3K? Somemore.. There's budget cut tis yr.. N somemore i dont think im performing well enough =( haix. This is my fault lar. But if u compare my job n honey's job. I would think tat im SERIOUSLY UNDERPAID for the amt of work tat my job scope places in.. If im ever a super logical person.. I would definitely choose honey's job. More "cost efficient" n ppl with the right mind will definitely choose it too. Okays. Im the non-right mind. Hahaha

4. I spend so much time n effort taking care if other ppl's family. Tat i realised tat im starting to slowly "neglect" my own family.coz im already so tired after taking care of other's family tat i dont feel like taking care of any other things anymore. I think if i were to leave social work industry.. Tis is the greatest trigger.

5. Workload! The workload is hard to juggle. Not tat its hard to manage. But im surviving.

Oh man.. So wat if i hav all these insights to my current situation? I need solutions! Hahah and im impatient abt it! Haha totally..

Please guide me Father..
Please..

2011-04-25T23:14:00.003+08:00

OUR 2ND MARATHON (10KM)!

I've never thought that I can survive through 10km!

But we did it! and I did it in about 1 hr 20 mins! =)

WE ARE ALL MARATHON FINISHERS!

But I'm still not prepared for 21km / 42km marathon..

10km is already quite strenuous already..

hahaha

We've not been constantly training =/ heehee

I'm so glad that we had the long weekend coz of public holiday..

though I've lost the momentum at work on monday.. BUT..

I enjoyed the long weekend..

the time spent with Honey..

the "pak tor" day..

the studying companion..

(he's studying, i'm researching for work stuffs)

the movie companion..

(regardless of whether its "home" theatre or movie theatre)

hahahha

But i simply enjoy sitting next to Honey,

doing our stuffs,

watching movie..

and giving each other encouragements! =)

He never fails to make my day! =)

How i wish the weekend could last longer..

But its ok =)

coz we have another few more decades to spend our time together =)

Just like the couple below =)

hahaha..

anyw..

need to pray hard seeking guidance for my life..

i need to find my purpose in life and in my career..

there's low job satisfaction, high stress level,

low pay, high risk (esp health),

low self-actualisation, high thoughts of career-switch..

low career advancement.. (unless i work for 40yrs & become CEO haha)

during my poly and uni days, i seemed to have higher self-actualisation as compared to now..

and i feel so much more relieved when i realised that by the end of June,

I'm only left with 1 yr of bond!

gosh..

What do I exactly want out of life?

What's my purpose in life?

What career should I embark onto?

What are my strengths and weaknesses?

What is the suitable career for me?

Can I earn much more?

What is my future?

once again.. I'm lost..

I need to find my compass..

But where isit?

2011-04-16T00:14:00.002+08:00

OUR HDB JOURNEY =)

19th Jan 2011

Honey suddenly sms me saying "Let's apply HDB NOW!"

20th Jan 2011

Honey gave me a surprise call "Let's apply HDB NOW!"

Giving me 3 reasons..

1. need to wait at least 3 years

2. prices are going to raise

3. if our income >$8K, we cant apply HDB

HAHAHAHA

and of coz he mentioned the MOST impt thing..

"we are CONFIRM going to get married" haha =)

18th Feb 2011

HAPPY 15TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!

This was also the day when Honey officially asked my parents for approval for us to apply HDB together! Haha..

During this period of a month, he took time to 'convince' me HAHA even his dad was brought into the picture! o.O!

3rd Mar 2011

OUR 1ST BTO APPLICATION!

Its the BTO in Feb - Fernvale Gardens

24th Mar 2011

We've got our 1st BTO queue number:304!

But there's only 172 units -.- haha

26th Mar 2011

OUR 2ND BTO APPLICATION!

BTO (Mar) - Coompassvale Ancilla

11th Apr 2011

2ND BTO REJECTED!

This time round, we dont even have a queue number! haha

Praying for guidance..

Receiving what we deserve..

Believing in Him..

Entrusting in Him..

PHOTO TIME!!

OUR 1ST FISH SPA!

TOTALLY TICKLIST!!

OUR 1ST MARATHON (10KM)

and its for charity!

My Boyfriend

Our Army

Hahaha =)

I think he looks charming in his army uniform! =)

who dares to disagree?? hahaha

2011-03-11T22:49:00.003+08:00

we are going for our very 1st 10km marathon in 8 hrs time! =)

JIAYOUS!

2011-03-06T00:37:00.003+08:00

Hahaha..

Honey's so sweet today.. =)

Covered me (with his body) in the rain from the gate until his car..

Hahahaha =)

simple acts..

with a tinge of love and concern =)

can be so lovely =)

so simple =)

yet so sweet, memorable, and plant smiles & happiness =)

for the WHOLE day! =)

and I bet at this moment..

NI NI is trying to save the world!!

Hahaha

and i will never forget the image of me trying to save NI's world too!

hahahaha

anyw.. hopefully we are able to go on the "Royal Caribbean" cruise trip in nov! =)

would be a good time to rest for the both of us too =)

2011-03-03T00:12:00.002+08:00

BTO HERE WE COME!

HAHAHAHA

yupyups.. 1 month plus after NI NI "pop the question"

as in "pop the question" about HDB..

the BTO for Feb 2011 is up

and Sengkang is where we are choosing..

Specially "Fernvale Gardens" - 5-room flat..

Sidetrack on all the excitement:

OH MAN..

you know how long I took to convince myself eventually to resign to fate that we can never be able to get flats in Tampines/Bedok/Pasir ris/Simei/East Coast area?

oh man.. Sengkang / Punggol is really my 'limit' already..

hahahaha

Exciting..

OUR FIRST TIME! =)

and even more exciting when we see the applicant : flat supply ratio

as of now (day 3 of opening)..

673 + 1 (us!) applicants : 172 flats

hahahaha..

really hoping that we are blessed enough to be able to get the ballot

on our very FIRST application =)

but shouldn't get our hopes too high =p hahaha

Also at the same time, I believe that God will give us what we deserve.

He will always gives us the best of what we should deserve.

Just Keep Praying

Nonetheless, what's more impt is that I trust and have faith in NI NI..

I know he will never let me down..

and I wont wanna let him down too..

I know that we will work hard for our future TOGETHER! =)

Anyw Anyw,

I will always remember our 15th Month Anniversary..

18.02.2011

coz this is the day when he officially asked my parents..

if he could apply flat together with me..

hahaha..

i will always remember the scene at the dinner table..

the nervousness of when to "pop the question" to my parents..

hahahaha..

a pleasant and memorable memory that can never be erased!

2011-03-01T22:46:00.001+08:00

Oh.. I will be super 舍不得 if NI NI's going for the Japan trip =/

But yet at the same time I'm super happy for him that he's going to enjoy his belated grad trip! =)

Oh.. Dilemma! Haha
But i think..
I would still prefer him to go enjoy ba..

While i suffer in singapore, with overwhelming work! O.o! When can i go for my trip? My diving trip? My england trip? Oh~ hahaha

2011-03-01T08:04:00.001+08:00

It was a terrible night..
Couldnt really take a wink..
Even if i did, kept waking up every hr to check the phone..

Juz needed someone to talk to..
And all i could turn to was Him..
Thank you..
Though my heart's still unsettling, but at least there's someone listening =)

Think POSITIVE!
Be a better person elene!
GO GO GO!
JIAYOUss!

2011-02-13T00:31:00.001+08:00

TORN APART..

Haix..
Once again.. I'm placed into the situation of..

"it may not be the perfect choice, but at this point of time, this is the best choice"

BUT at this point of time, we havent made the choice yet..
That's why I'm torn apart..
I duno what choice shld I make..
I duno which choice I shld fight for..
Not to say perfect, i dont even knw which is the best choice..
Both hav their own reasonable reasons and they are totally justifible.. I understand both sides of the story.. But i juz duno wat's best..

Haix..
Moreover.. Both of them are my "upper management"..
What do u do when one boss says "1" and another says "2"?
It's not abt compromising each other n do "1.5"
It's not abt who's winning..
Its abt.. Wats the best for my client n family?
Both have their own view of help.. Both hav their own perception of giving the best for family.. But its juz tat its totally different..
Haix.. And now im stuck in the middle.. Coz I'll be the one "fighting" for the choice.. Advocating for client n family..
Haix..
Totally torn apart..

Please guide me thru..
Please guide the family..
I really duno what's best for them..
Please enlighten me.. And them too..

2011-02-10T22:33:00.002+08:00

I always enjoy chatting with my parents during car rides..

I think that's the only time when we can properly chit chat..

hahah funny hor..

coz back at home.. they are always busy..

mom will be busy doing housework non-stop..

dad will be busy doing his work non-stop..

all until they sleep..

Therefore, car rides is always the best and only time when we can chit-chat..

I always enjoy that and treasure that..

today its the usual car ride with my dad..

him sending me somewhere..

back to office or home or out somewhere..

today.. he's sending me back home from work..

and for a very very very long time..

both of us return home early (about 7pm reach home) and not only so..

my mom's already at home and had cooked dinner already..

so nice! =) to return home.. not alone.. but with my family. =)

i wondered when was the last time i returned home, not alone =)

anyw, today during the car ride..

dad told me alot of things..

about his worries, his concerns, his frustrations..

he says that his only worry now is my 2nd bro..

he hasnt really been settled down in his career..

worries if he's able to be independent and on his own..

he told me that last time he told mom about his belief..

"when 2 marries, have children,

the main concern is to provide for children to have proper education

and once they grad, they are on their own already..

actually, parents no longer should have to worry for them already..

and the future of the children is totally dependent on themselves"

he told me, he has given all his utmost effort to provide all of us all the education that we need.. and now that we have grad and working, it is totally up to us to sustain our lives and our own future.. i know.. he still worries for us all.. he loves us all.. (though sometimes, he may say nasty things.. but he meant well for us..)

He told me that last time when he was young, he was poor and had to work since very very young. That's why when he had us, he doesn't want us to 'suffer' so much and want to provide to us as much as possible. However, he also realised that he can't give us watever we want, if not we would not work hard and will just "shake leg" and wait to be given.

He told me that mom sacrificed alot.. done too much.. worry too much for us.. but i know it's coz mom love us too much and cant bare to let go any single opportunity to lessen our burden and make us feel comfortable.. mom does all the housework by herself (and I do feel guilty that i'm not really helping her).. she wakes up super early to cook lunch.. she sleeps super late to iron clothes, wash clothes, hang clothes, fold clothes, mop the floor, etc.. luckily dad do help her too..

I think.. throughout all my parent's life.. they really sacrifice alot for this family..

and i really meant when i say throughout ALL of their life..

mom got married at about 17.. dad 22..

mom give birth at about 19.. dad 24..

now mom is 52.. dad 57..

and they are still worrying about us.. sacrificing alot for us all.. for almost 40 years..

all their life..

YET.. what are we giving them in return?

we always 'scold' them, complain about them, dont listen to them, rude to them, ask them to do things, never give in to them, dont give them 100% patience, have low tolerance for them, cant bare to take 1 more min off our time to talk to them, take them for granted..

BUT they never really complain, never be impatience to us, never give up on us, never 'disown' us, never bare to see us suffer..

I rmb vividly an incident..

i always dont share a very very close relationship with my elder brother, and i admit (guilty) that I've totally have ZERO tolerance for him.. so we always 'scream' (or should i say, talk loudly) at each other.. i dislike his behaviour and attitude, which I think caused alot of problems for my dad and his company.. so I'll always find it a nuisance to teach him IT stuffs coz he always dont learn and rmb.. (i think i will have my retribution someday =p)

so one day.. me and bro were 'quarreling' / 'screaming' at each other again..

I said to my bro, something like that,

(i was really shouting at him.. and especially frustrated coz that day i was sick)

"if it's not for mom and dad, i would not have helped you so much. I'm helping you bcoz i give 'face' to mom and dad. I dont want you to hinder their business. Cant you at least help them out by being a little bit more responsible and attentive and have a learning attitude? I dont mind teaching you if you have the learning attitude. But up till now, you dont have! Can't you just simply take the heart to learn and rmb?!"

then my dad said something to me which hit me alot..

"I always hope that siblings should live in harmony and not quarrel with each other. Siblings should show care and concern, help each other, love each other, and not fight everyday."

It hurt me alot..

Some things that has never been talked about..

Some things that we know in the core of our hearts.. but just that we never spoke of it..

Once spoken.. it really hits the heart..

All the long we know about it.. just that..

haix.. duno how to describe seh..

who wouldn't want his/her family to be loving and living in harmony?

who wouldn't want kids who are filial to their parents and live a successful life?

My mom and dad has been worrying about every single detail of us, of our family, of our home, for all of their life..

I know that that's their way of showing care and concern and love for us..

I'm not going to change anything much.. except to make their lives more comfortable..

(since it's their unique style of showing love, if we are to change their way of expressing love and concern, they may find it more tiring..)

At least to make them less worried abt me and my other siblings..

and also to ensure that they continue to be actively involved socially so that their health and mind wont deteriorate too fast! =)

May they live long HEALTHILY!

with LESSER WORRIES! =)

YET at the same time, live their life with meaning.. HAPPILY!

(you know, they say parents will definitely worry for their kids for 99 years if they can live up till 100 yrs.. so there's no point to tell them to stop worrying.. coz I think I will still worry for my kids even when they grow up and have their own families..)

Parents sacrifice alot for us..

my parents is a good example..

they may not be perfect parents..

but they are the BEST i can ever have..

if i can choose.. i want THEM to be my mom and dad.. and no one else..

coz without them.. i wont be who im now..

perhaps i never felt this way when i was much younger..

but realizing it now isn't too late, i hope! =)

and i believe alot of kids will go thru this same phrase as myself..

let's not regret and love our parents in our own ways..

just like how they love us.. in their own little ways.. their BIG ways..

2011-01-22T23:34:00.002+08:00

"THE HDB QUESTION"

One fine day.. I received a call from Honey NI NI saying,

"Dear Dear, let's go apply flat together.. NOW!"

Honey sounded super excited!

But I was like -.-

Why so sudden?

All bcoz of one question which his friend asked him..

"Do you think HDB prices will continue to raise in the future?"

He thought about it and say yes.

And that's how I got the call!

whahaahahah

What a way to ask me seh.. hahaha

Is this a marriage / engagement proposal?

I totally don't feel any excitement.. hahaha

coz the decision is really based on

TOTALLY RATIONALE AND LOGICAL REASONS

as to why we should apply for HDB NOW!

Honey gave me 3 reasons

1) We would have to wait at least 2 yrs before we can get the HDB

2) 4-room (16th Storeys) was about $207K 2 years back,

but now as long as above 2 storeys cost more than $230K.

3) Our combined income cant be more than $8K,

if not we have to buy private housing / executive HDB

Therefore, we should lock it in NOW!

hahaha

"Aint yoy going to at least ask me for an engagement first?"

I asked.

His reply,

"Applying flat is already the BEST engagement!"

And his view is strongly & well-supported by my friend, cousin and his father!!

hahahaha

His father recently kept asking him to faster apply flat with me NOW!

hahahha

Today, I hint hint NI NI once again..

Asking him if he's going to ask the question in a different way..

"Baby, want to apply flat together?"

(singing the tune of the song "Ben Xiao Hai")

"aiyo.. Tampines is a good place.... Apply Flat now.."

"I'll go facebook & ask you wanna apply flat together!"

"I can write letter to you to ask you to apply flat together"

Hahaha..

Exactly the same question,

merely different channels of asking it..

Hahaha..

OMG!

I just simply cant believe that everything is just

SOOO RATIONALE, LOGICAL & PRACTICAL!

Totally don't have the "yays! we are getting married/engaged" feeling,

its more like..

"faster faster! need to apply now before all the prices start rising!" feeling..

OMG!

Hahahaha

This is my one & only time going to be applying for a HDB with my husband-to-be..

and the whole experience of it..

is soo....

SOOO RATIONALE, LOGICAL & PRACTICAL!

HAHAHAHAH

Anyw, I told him to ask his friends how they ask their gf on applying flat..

his friend replied..

"Just ask her for her full name & IC no."

-.-

Hahahahahaha

Everything is just sooo comical!

2011-01-08T00:50:00.003+08:00

I'M GOING ON A "DOUBLE DATE"!

HAHAHA

BUT guess with who?

This is interesting..

hahaha

With NI's parents!

hahahha

The plan is for his parents and the both of us

to watch a movie together

and then have a nice dinner together

(sponsored by my honey)

HAHAHA =)

Hopefully this will happen,

coz this is going to be super exciting & interesting!

hahaha

But.. where is his brother going to be??

hahaha

nonetheless...

finally after one week of work..

met up with NI to watch movie!

whee!

NI came up to my house =)

and eat his favourite: My mom's super nice fried rice! =)

He even "da bao" some home for his family to try! =)

Hope they all like it!

whee!

*more updates about my work soon.. oh man*

NEED TO REALLY TREASURE MY WEEKENDS AND SPARE TIME!

2011-01-03T20:02:00.002+08:00

I dreamt of Ah Ma 2 nights ago..

Dreamt that she came back as a person..

She was in the living room at her house..

I was holding her hand..

I could actually feel her..

I had so many questions that I wanna ask her..

But how come I didnt ask?

How come there seemed to be no time?

I miss you Ah Ma..

But thank you Ah Ma..

Thank you for coming into my dream..

I miss you..

Ytd, we all gathered at Ah Ma house again..

I'm sure you did felt our presence right?

Time really flies...

we are all so big already..

and now.. its your great grandchildren who are running ard the house playing..

Ah Ma.. we all miss you..

I could see Ah Pei's eyes were filled with tears when I mentioned about my dream of you.

I could sense that we all missed your presence..

We still talk about you..

Your bed's gone.. donated..

your belonging's gone too..

Felt like nothing of yours is in the house anymore..

but your presence is still felt..

The family picture hang in the living room, still has you.. =)

we still miss you.. alot..

juz that none of us did actually verbalize it out..

生老病死

is a natural process of life..

the only certainty in life, other than change,

is death..

I really cannot imagine seeing all my families & friends

having to go thru this last stage of their life..

though its a stage that we all will eventually face it, sooner or later..

2010-12-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

She's my "Bedok" Ah Ma.

I dont really understand her Hokkien.

Neither can I converse well with her in Hokkien.

But when I smile to her,

she never fails to smile back at me.

This photo is a snapshot of a video of

me trying to strike a conversation with her in Hokkien.

I smiled & laughed through when I watched this again..

Whenever we both talk,

we will always cause alot of laughter among those who surround us.

Coz my Hokkien really sucks,

I will mix chinese & english & hokkien,

and make it my own language.

And Ah Ma, who's mildly deaf,

will try to figure out wat I'm saying,

but sometimes, I know she's just trying to patronise me.

And sometimes, she will juz give up.

Just like in this video,

she told me to "tiam tiam"

(loosely translated: shut up)

HAHA

we all burst into laughter.

I kinda like her smile. =)

I kinda miss her smile too..

When I was very young,

I remember that every sunday, we will go to Ah Ma house.

Spent the whole day there, playing with my cousins.

Whenever we come, she will always bring out ALOT of snacks

and keep asking us to eat.

When we play football in the living room,

she will sit at her 'colourful' chair and watch us.

Then warn us not to break the glass.

When we go down to the playground,

sometimes she will follow us down & she will take a walk around.

As we grow older,

there's no more "sunday @ Ah MA house" routine.

But we still visit from time to time, just that not as regularly.

Sometimes, I do miss the routine.

Time flies.

When we found out that Ah Ma's cancer relapse.

It was beyond cure.

We could only wait.

The doctor said, she could only have a few more months to go.

My uncle they all decided not to tell her about it,

they just told her that she's suffering from "old people" illnesses.

They didnt want her to worry too much.

Since then, her health slowly deteriorate.

Her physical body had tonnes of changes.

She used to be a lil plump, just a lil lil only,

suddenly, she grew to be very thin, very very thin.

I could only feel her skin & bones & nothing else.

Soon, she could only sit at her 'colourful' chair for only a few mins.

Soon, she could no longer sit there.

Soon, she no longer make phone calls.

Soon, she's taking more n more medication.

Soon, she's lying on bed most of the time.

For 2 years..

The doctor said that she could only have a few more months left,

but she's been living for 2 years! =)

We all agreed that she's a miracle.

Even Straits Times came to interview her.

(ARGH! and where the hell did I keep the report?? ARGH!!!)

She held on strong..

She saw 4 of her grandchildren's wedding..

She witnessed the birth of 3 of her great grandchildren..

She held on strong..

Then, she fall.. literally..

She fall in the bathroom..

She broke her tight leg bone..

ouch..

it muz hav been super painful..

she always squeak her eyes..

Doctors strongly advise her not to go for operation.

Coz she's already very old, and more over,

her cancer cells are already spreading all over the body,

its too dangerous.

Since then,

she's totally bed bound..

She's finally home after being hospitalized for almost a month plus..

She's been home for less than a month before she left us..

2 days before she left,

she suddenly turned worst.

i duno how to describe.

but ALL of us visited her.

we thought we were going to lose her.

suddenly, the nxt day,

she performed another miracle again.

she suddenly recovered.

she could open her eyes, eat and talk.

though she doesn't seemed to be able to recognize us all.

we all thought that she would recover..

we all hope that she could at least hang on to the 1st month of her 3rd great grandchild.

we didnt expect this would be the last time,

we could hear her talk,

we could still see her into her eyes.

on the day that she left,

i visited her in the morning..

soon, in the afternoon,

all i received was..

"Ah Ma left already"

Things seemed to happen so fast..

too fast..

lots of things just keep happening for the next 1 week..

preparing for the wake,

preparing for the rituals,

attending to the guests,

organising all the admin stuffs,

arranging all the other necessary stuffs,

etc etc..

i guess, my uncle muz hav felt super tired,

as he's the eldest & would naturally take up all responsibility of organising & planning.

Every night, as I sat beside Ah Ma,

I would talk to her inside my heart.

I asked her, where is she?

I hope that she wont be alone.

I hope that God will bring her home.

I told her that she's illness-free & no longer suffering.

I told her to not worry about us anymore.

Even her youngest grandchild is working & I've already graduated.

I miss her.

I dare not look at her picture too close or too long,

for I know I will tear.

I dare not speak of her name,

for I know I will tear.

I dare not think of her for too long,

for I know I will tear.

I keep looking at the clothes on the altar.

It feels so weird.

Having to pray to her now.

Having to burn joss sticks to her now.

Asking her to bless us now.

No No. I thought.

These are the things that we do to Ah Gong.

How come we are doing to Ah Ma now?

Didnt like the feeling.

But I know its inevitable - Life & Death.

As my cousins talk about her..

I start to understand more & more about her..

bit by bit..

She's really a true fighter..

about almost 20+ years ago, (i was about 2 or even not born yet)

when she was about 70+ years old..

she underwent an operation to insert this mental plate inside her leg,

coz she broke her leg.

After the operation, the doc ask us all to shake her & keep calling her name,

if she doesn't wake up within 6hrs,

she wont wake up anymore.

coz she's too old already, operation is very dangerous for her.

they keep shaking her for 6.5hrs.

thinking that that's the end.

she suddenly woke up by herself.

She's really a fighter.

I remember,

when I was about Primary 2 or 3.

I went to the hospital to visit Ah Ma @ KK.

I asked my mom why Ah Ma is in hospital.

She said coz my Ah Ma is suffering from cancer.

I didnt really know what is cancer, all i know is that it is "no good"

But seeing that my Ah Ma could return home,

I thought cancer could be cured, and it's not that fatal afterall.

I was only partially right.

She's only temporarily cured, her cancer relapse

and it's fatal.

Slowly, through my cousins, uncles, aunties, mom & dad,

I slowly pieced up the life of my Ah Ma.

I see stories of her that I never knew.

Bit by bit, I unfold the story of my Ah Ma.

It's only until ytd,

that the fact that Ah Ma is forever gone,

slowly sank in to the deep bottom of my heart.

Perhaps it was due to the busy-ness of arranging all those stuffs.

Preventing us from gaining insight.

Finally, when we hav time to take a breather,

finally we could sit down & reflect..

I miss her.

I dont really know her, understood her,

though I had 22 years of many opportunities to do so.

But I had never took the 1st step & initiative to do so.

I hope that she could at least stayed until I got married.

Perhaps, it was time for her already.

Come to think of it, at least, her sufferings have ended.

I just hope that she will find her way home,

not be lonely, be free from all suffering and not worry about us.

Sally posted a song on facebook

"Ah Ma de hua" (hokkien)

It's really very meaningful..

Ah Ma, where are you now?

You are not lonely right?

Are you back home in your heaven already?

Have you found Ah Gong?

You are no longer suffering right?

I will never forget you Ah Ma =)

You will always live in our hearts.

Next time, I wanna tell my kids about your story..

A TRUE FIGHTER..

A THRIFTY LADY..

A AMAZING MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER & GREAT GRANDMOTHER

YOU ARE MY AH MA! =)

2010-12-28T23:17:00.004+08:00

surrounded by a swam of emptiness & meaningless..

2010-12-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

tired

but

i'm

pressing

please

guide

through

2010-12-25T23:05:00.001+08:00

Everything seemed to happen very fast.
Too fast.

Ah Ma..
We miss you..
We love you even more..
Ah Ma..
May you be free of all illness and be swarmed with joy and happiness in your afterlife.
Thanks for being our Ah Ma.
You will live forever in our hearts.

2010-12-20T23:41:00.002+08:00

Miraclely, she recovered..

Ytd was really.. really.. duno how to describe

But it felt as though it was almost time..

Almost losing her..

Today.. she's almost back to her usual..

But she doesn't seem to be able to recognize us all, yet at the same time, we seem to feel as though she does recognize.

Through her, we see a true fighter, a real fighter of life.

Through her, we also saw a miracle. In fact, many miracles.

Please minimize her pain & suffering.

She's been fighting so strongly, so bravely all these while.

Please go easy on her.

You are really a fighter, Ah Ma! =)

On another note,

tml's the release of results!

oh man.. o.O!

2010-12-20T09:35:00.001+08:00

Father,

Please guide me. Im lost once again. I cant do this alone. I duno what to do. All I see is all the negativeness. Please dont let the evil cover my eyes. Please hold onto me and guide me through. Only you know best about my unexpressed thoughts n emotions. Please teach me how to be more appreciative n understanding n supportive. Please dont let me be other's burden and be a pillar of support instead. Please dont leave me and stay by my side, though I am not your best-deserved child. Please guide
me to see through the reasons behind all the things that happen. I cant chase away the evil alone, please guide me how. I am lost again. Sorry that I always make myself lost and have to trouble you.

Thanks for listening to me. Not just this time but also the many many times when I needed a listening ear, you are just there to calm me down. Thank you.

Some words and emotions need not be verbalized out, but I know you can feel it. Thank you for knowing my heart.

2010-12-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

POLY DAYS ARE STILL THE BEST! =)

2010-12-16T00:32:00.002+08:00

today's a super busy day

super eventful

woke up early to use bro's car to go bedok

to start doing on my "experiment"

then after doing my "experiment" (which seemed to be quite a failure)

I started to clean up & reorganise the WHOLE kitchen properly.

OMG from 1.30 - 6.30pm

NON-STOP!

BUT im still 50% away from the "PERFECT KITCHEN"

At least, I've things more organised for now.

I wonder what will the status be like 3 months from now

You know, sometimes my mom & bro can be REALLY UNCOOPERATVIE

and my hardwork get washes down the drain

Anyw, after that

I clean up my room =)

My room was much easier

Things were organised long ago,

I just needed to clean away all the dust accumulated =)

Then, Dad & I went downstairs to throw away all those plastic containers to recycle.

Then, NI called! =)

Here's my long awaited "surprise" for him! =)

I'm so lucky that today my parents kinda came home early,

so I have the car!

I think the Law of Attraction really works!

I've been hoping that I can have the car since ytd! =)

So I went to pick NI up at Orchard!

OH MAN! surprised that the journey there was smooth!

No need to make "U-turns"! haha

Acts of Service! =)

PASSED!

hahahaha

Hope he like this 'mini-surprise' =)

Somemore, he's been LS-ing the whole day

gosh.. muz be the otah's fault!

Then, that's not the end!

I went to Aunt Nancy hse to pass some stuffs to them

Then, came home helping parents to send email to their customers.

Then, arranged with Ratna our "morning call surprise" for Yamuna tomorrow.

Have to wake up at 630am!

(I dont even wake up so early for school!)

Then I've to plan the bus routes

"gothere.sg" is really SUPER USEFUL & AWESOME!

wow! such an eventful day! =)

And I'm enjoying it =)

coz once I start work, I wont ever be able to do such things like today again!

Anyw, tml's going to be another super eventful day too! =)

early morning "morning call surprise"

buying gifts

MAYB going back TP to ride my bicycle home

MAYB cleaning & organising the living room (if there's time)

getting cake for parent's wedding anniversary

parent's wedding anniversary dinner

& back to some "experiment" again

BUSY BUSY BUSY

but i'm enjoying all the bits & pieces of it! =)

just that my hand is now super dry from all the cleaning & "experiment"

and my body is kinda tired

and my mind is at "hibernation" status!

GOOD NIGHT! =)

2010-12-14T23:57:00.004+08:00

Kelong Trip - Tanjong Pinang (Indonesia)

whee~

we went on a trip with Honey's family & church friends..

Total about 34 of us! o.O!

Granny, uncles, aunties, teens, kids & even baby Gracie!

FISH FISH FISHING FISHING FISHING

yupyups all these uncles are hard core fishers!

that's what they do ALL day & night

haha

Honey's first day was quite an achievement

He caught quite alot of fishes.

But on the 2nd day, it just wasn't his day.

He used a WHOLE fish bait in exchange for a seaweed!

haha

He should have just retired at his peak, which was the 1st day.

haha

this is the picture of his 'peak' hours

haha

CHEAP THRILL FISHING - taman fish!

though the trip may be tiring,

unable to sleep well,

feeding mosquitoes,

having to bath in super cold waters,

having rats running over at the top of your room's roof in the middle of the night,

having a toilet that has no flush, you have to manually flush water yourself,

and the watever business goes straight into the sea,

and then you fish the fishes, and.. hahaha

nonetheless, it's always the accompany that matters =)

oh~ and an interesting story to share..

This is an eagle who doesn't know how to fly..

and his whole world only evolves around this log..

His other sibling was blown by the wind and fell into the waters & drowned..

They duno how to fly..

When they were young, the owners of the kelong kept them & took care of them.

That's why they duno how to fly.

Coz a baby eagle has to be taught by the mother.

The mother eagle will throw the baby down,

then fly to catch it.

And she will repeat a few times until the baby learns how to fly.

This eagle taught us something.

Sometimes in life, if we held onto something too tight,

don't learn how to let go, over-protect something,

at the end of the day,

it may result in a negative consequences.

And this eagle lost his identity, lost the BIG world that he could be soaring in,

lost the chance to unleash his potential.

Therefore, we shouldn't always blame,

blame why this and that happened to me,

blame why we are experiencing all the shit,

blame why are things the way they are.

All things happen for a reason.

Perhaps all the shit that we are experiencing now,

is merely just an opportunity to let us open up our wings,

unleash our potential,

and soar into the BIG WIDE BLUE SKY!

Thank you eagle who doesn't fly,

thanks for teaching us such an important lesson.

Because of this,

I think you are actually a very GREAT eagle.

Perhaps this happens to you, also for a reason.

To let us all learn from you. =)

Thanks for the sacrifice.

yupyups

And I miss DIVING SO SO SO SO MUCH

After watching all those fishes & experiencing the slow 'timeless' life in kelong

I have a SUPER strong urge to DIVE!

It's been 2+years since I last dived.

I miss the feeling,

the calmness,

the enjoyment of the beauty,

the silence-ness of the beauty,

the immerse-ment of yourself into the beauty,

the feeling of being so small in this whole universe,

the feeling of life,

I miss diving.

Honey

Honey!

Hint

Hint!

HaHa

(all starts with 'H'!)

At some point of time,

we will feel that we have alot to share,

coming from the bottom of our hearts.

However, there's just no one appropriate to share with,

or even if there is, time isn't just right.

Bottling it up, is not a good solution.

Luckily, I've found a good outlet for myself.

Penning my thoughts down.

It has definitely helped me to have some form of outlet,

helps me to clear my mind,

helps me to touch into the inner feelings, the deeper feelings of my heart.

Even if no one is to see.

Then I will also get to understand myself better.

Sometimes, just for a moment, we may feel lost.

I'm thankful I have my own ways to find back my directions.

Thank you Father.

Though it may not be immediate, I believe that I wont be lost for too long.

I will find my way out.

YES I WILL! =)

For those out there who may be feeling kinda lost at this moment of their lives.

Accept it, embrace it, overcome it.

It's not going to be easy.

But keep in mind the story of the eagle who doesn't fly.

Keep in mind of those who love you so much.

It may be a tough ride.

But I hope you allow urself to see the rainbow at the end of the day.

"When the day comes, I'm going to ask Him.

Why was I chosen to meet him?"

Regardless of the answer

I think my response will be

"Thank you for such an amazing plan =)"

2010-12-09T00:51:00.002+08:00

in 7 hours time,

I'll be in Indonesia Kelong!

hahaha..

the picture above is how I IMAGINE,

is how I HOPED it would be like..

hahahah..

but I know, the reality is no where close to the above picture..

high chance it would be the picture below!

hahahhaha

OH~

WHAT A DRASTIC DIFFERENCE!

All I hope is a CLEAN, NON-SMELLY, PEST-FREE room & toilet!

please please please..

I'm willing to sacrifice HOT bathing water for that..

I can still rmb the last time I went kelong was with

my whole extended family & alot more people.

I was about 10+years old?

I dont really rmb what we did,

but all I rmb was that

WE HAD TONNES OF FUN!

We had dancing games, IQ games, fishing, etc..

and I think most importantly, and most happiest moments

were the times spent with my whole families, sisterssss & friends! =)

Sometimes, memories aint about the details..

its about the feelings, the experience, the emotions..

and of coz, the people whom you are with! =)

This time round,

I'm going with NI & his family & his big group of church people.

I wonder what we will be doing there.

Fishing all day?

Actually, not really very excited though.. =p haha

good good.

like that then no expectation,

then no disappointment =))

and lastly, I'm slping alone!

oh man..

actually, i'm quite scared..

you knw you knw,

to be alone in a room in an unfamiliar environment.

even in my own house, I already feel kinda uncomfortable to be alone.

haha

so i've brought the portable DVD to watch when I'm alone in the room! =)

Maybe this trip wont be like my previous kelong trip

BUT I hope it would still be as amazing & fun & memorable(in a good way)! =)

haha

2010-12-06T00:16:00.003+08:00

whahahahah

our couple ear ring! hahaha

NI dared me,

that if I'm ever going to buy the BIG round ear rings,

he's going to wear it out wif me as a couple ear ring.

hahaha

He sounded VERY certain and VERY daring!

and accepted the challenge like a macho-man!

hahaha

Then.. it's all fated..

(i think mayb secretly, he REALLY wanna wear it that's why he dared me.. haha)

we walked into this shop..

AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND!

a quite cheap ($1.90, was hoping it could cost $1)

BIG ROUND EAR RING!!!!

hahahaha

He was also SHOCKED!

and at that point of time,

he knew that he has to face his destiny...

he even place the ear ring near his ears, to see how he will look like with it on..

hahahaha

He knew that he had no escape..

and to face the cruel reality of the consequence of the challenge!

whahahahhaah

We "hid" at a corner of the shopping mall,

with a BIG mirror on the wall,

and I helped him to wear our very 1st

COUPLE EAR RING!

hahahahahha

NI said,

"How come these ear rings look so much better on women?"

hahahaha

Then, here comes the REAL challenge!

WALKING AROUND THE MALL WITH THE EAR RING ON!

hahahahhahaha

OMG!!!

HE'S REALLY GAME FOR IT!!!

ARGH!!

I think I'm the one who's not game for it!

whahahahahhha

I kept laughing when we walked from Basement 1 to Level 2, to find his parents.

OMG!!

hahhahaha

people were looking at him in shock!

stunned!

hahahhaa

But i think secretly,

he's an attention-seeking child,

seeking for both PUBLIC & PARENTAL attention..

hahahhaa

coz he insisted that he wanna wear the ear ring n show off to his dad!

hahahhaha

i was SO~ paiseh lar!!

hahahhaha

what a memorable day..

i hope we are not in

stomp.com

hahahhaa

anyw, after all the laughter and madness,

I asked NI, why was he so daring to accept the challenge.

He said that he didnt expect me to buy those ear rings..

coz they seemed to cost.. (about $3)

from all those that we'd seen..

and he was very certain that I wont buy them at all,

that's why he challenged me with so much confidence..

and with so much certainty..

and even said that this challenge is application FOR ANY DAYS & ANY PLACE,

EVEN IN FRONT OF HIS PARENTS

hahaahaha. i guess this is fate..

i guess, we all also learn a morale from this incident..

Don't even be too confident.

coz.. MURPHEY'S LAW is applicable for ANY & ALL TYPES of situation..

SHIT HAPPENS..

HAHAHAHA

we shall see

what other challenges we have for each other next time!

hahahaha

2010-12-03T03:13:00.001+08:00

Oh~ NI ended work at 3am!
N he only had lunch n small breakfast for the whole day. And after hugging his bloster for 5hrs, he needs to start work again! O.o!
Lucky its coz of the new fund he's handling. And thankfully NI's kinda positive abt it! =) and he has definitely learnt alot! =) thats good! =)
Jiayoussss honey! =)
Nxt month would b better n seek to improve! =)

2010-12-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

oh man.. its WAY PAST 12midnight..

almost going to be 1am already..

Honey's still super busy at work..

Settling the month-end funds..

and since morning there's cock ups with daily funds..

and even at 12pm, he havent even eat his breakfast!

oh man.. he's staying even later than last time..

JIAYOUsss!

he muz have been super tired and hungry..

Hope he's coping well..

coz this is the first time he's doing this type of fund..

and his boss needs it by today, due to complains of clients (due to certain person!)

JIAYOUssss NI NI! =)

2010-12-02T23:49:00.002+08:00

wahahah though this is NOT what im feeling now BUT

i think this is damm CUTE!

and this is what i've been feeling for the past few wkss..

coz of EXAMS!

BUT I guess I've been feeling this way through the past 15.5 years of education life (since pri 1 until now in NUS) hahaha..

FINALLY.. i've unofficially facing another major transition in my life..

from being a student for the past 15.5 years..

to being a working adult..

and this was what the society has been preparing me for, for the past 15.5 years..

so many years to prepare being a working adult..

walking out of schooling madness,

walking into career trauma..

BUT still... I dont feel prepared.. OH MAN...

I guess no one will ever be prepared until they are at the edge of the clif

BUT nonetheless, I'm going to embark into another journey of my life.

A journey whereby I need to be responsible not just for myself, and also for others.

A journey whereby I need to be more independent and face the harsh reality of society.

WAIT WAIT.. why phrase it so negatively..

A journey whereby I can work towards the life I wanna live

A journey whereby I will better prepare myself for more exciting challenges that make my life more meaningful and exciting!

Nonetheless, I'm going to enjoy myself for the next few weeks, INTENSIVELY, before I start work on 3 Jan.

STUDENT elene is now going to be SOCIAL WORKER elene! =)

oh.. and today, had a super pleasant dinner with meiqi & eugene @ Kim's Family Restaurant!

Super love all the gossips and chats that we have! =)

hahaha

and soon, i'm going to be a book author entitled:

"How to handle 300 clients in 365 days"

hahaha =)

2010-11-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

HAAaaaaaa-CHOOoooooo

oh man..

how come i always have to be sick during exam period?

-.-

JIAYOUsss elene! =)

wats the flu virus as compared to my hard work & determination! =)

I WILL WIN THIS WAR!

hahaha.. =)

HAAaaaaaa-CHOOoooooo

2010-11-20T00:51:00.001+08:00

Oh man..
Guess wat!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself!
Hahhaa
I TOTALLY forgot tat today is my bday!

At 12am, shi was the first to sms me happy bday..
And guess wat i was thinking..

"HUH? She got msg wrongly anot? Its not my bday yet.."

Then suddenly, enlightenment came 3secs later..
OYA! Its my bday today! =) whahahha

Thats funny! =) haha
Perhaps i was too overwhelmed with preparing for exams and dont even FEEL the energy of "YAYS! Its my bday!". Or maybe even coz i dont wanna grow older! Hahaha and i choose to believe that im growing younger! =) whee! =)

Last yr, my 21st bday was super memorable! =) my sistersss, familiesss and friendsss helped me to make it so wonderful! =) i simply love their company =) and of coz someone impt in also involved too! Hahhaa

Nonetheless, i knw tat tis year is going to be a great bday too! =) coz im gg out wif my sistersss =) i miss u all! Cant wait to see u guys in a few hrs time! =)

I miss u! See you all soon! =)

2010-11-18T22:03:00.008+08:00

HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE! =)

Honey SELF-MADE a full course dinner set for me!

He went grocery shopping with his bro & then cooked from 3pm - 8pm! o.O!

im so touched..

then he came to fetch me over to his hse..

initially he told me that we are going to some coffee shop and eat..

then in the car, he showed me the "menu" of

"QUEK'S FAMILY LOVE RESTAURANT PTE LTD"

hahaha what a surprise! =)

thank you NI NI! =)

Starter: The REAL Mushroom Soup with poached egg & toast

yummy yum yum!

its really nice!

NI NI actually cut all the mushrooms until very fine!

that muz hav been alot of hard work & effort..

and its really very nice! =)

Starter: Steam Cabbage Roll with Mango Cole

I like this too! =)

It refreshing & nice! =)

Main Course: White Fish with Smoke Bacon & Asparagus & Lemon Mayo

Amazingly, the lemon mayo tasted NICE! =)

and in fact, the whole dish tasted perfect! =)

i super LOVE it! =)

Dessert: Fruit (Strawberry) Smoothie

(*pic not available*)

=)))

For the 1st time, I'm trying a smoothie, which NI added yogurt and slimmed milk in!

=) this is for you honey! =)

and the honey smell is really very strong! hahah..

on the first taste, it was kinda hard to swallow,

perhaps due to psychological fear of the yogurt and slimmed milk..

but later on.. the honey smell was really overpowering!

and it kinda tasted nice coz the honey sweet taste was really THERE! hahaha

THANK YOU NI NI! =)

It was a SUPER, NICE, GREAT, filled with SINCERITY and LOVE dinner!

I'm really touched.. =)

you really dont allow me to have any chance to be involved in this preparation..

dont even allow me in the kitchen..

but..

I LOVE YOU! =)

and its really sweet of you to also prepare all these for your family too!

our 1st anniversary is also 'celebrated' tgt with your family! =)

and your dad says that with your skill can go open restaurant already! =)

haha

and then he looked at me and smiled,

giving me a smile that seemed to say,

"wow. my son is a good cook! but he only cooks for his gf..-.-"

haha.. he muz have been envious.. hahhaa

no lar no lar.. jkjk.. haha

I LOVE YOU! =)

We went Irish pub! =)

yays! another mission accomplished! =)

hahaa.. juz that we havent tried,

playing monopoly deal in Irish pub and

testing whether we would be chased out of the place! =p haha

"what is this look?"

"the-food-is-super-nice look"

BUT i think you look more of a spastic =p

whee! i super like my Irish breakfast!

its really nice!

YAYS! Apple crumble as dessert! =)

BUT they have TOO much apple already =p

BUT I love the crumble!

I wonder how they make the crumble?

Its really nice!

I hope NI likes the surprises I gave him too! =)

THANK YOU HONEY

for this amazing 1st anniversary.

For the past 1 year,

it has been a wonderful & splendid journey with you.

Though its not that smooth-sailing and neither its super-filled-with-drama..

BUT we had our ups and downs,

we had obstacles that we need to jump through.

Through out all these while,

I'm so glad that we held onto each other tight,

we tried to understand each other,

we support one another,

we are truthful with ourselves,

and we truly treasure and appreciate each other.

Our love for each other is true, is sincere, is simple, is our future.

Thank you for making my future with you so certain.

Thank you for you being you.

Thank you for everything you are to me.

Thank you for loving me.

I LOVE YOU DONNE! =)

Any day spent with you,

is always a day well-spent

2010-11-10T00:16:00.002+08:00

Suddenly..

duno why..

I wanted to try something in Social Work which I LEAST like..

POLICIES!!

something which had never crossed my mind before,

something which doesn't interest me at all,

something which I know that I wont wanna be involved in..

yet now..

I find all these policies kinda 'interesting'

and I am thinking of involving myself into it..

Perhaps coz I can better understand how much more we can help

this society with proper policies in place..

Perhaps coz I wanna better understand WHY certain policies are why they are this way..

BUT I do know for sure that I still wanna be involved in clinical work as well.

Just like what all my profs always say,

as you climb up higher in the career ladder,

as you are more involved in management / macro work,

dont forget to also involve urself in clinical work,

so that you can still understand the real needs of the people,

and also at the same thing, better plan policies that are

necessary and useful to meet the needs of these people! =)

one step at a time..

I just hope that I can integrate well in MINDS..

I can be a good Social Worker (not GREAT.. just good will do for now)

I duno where I stand as a social worker.

BUT i really hope that I can be of a help rather than harm..

AND also, i hope that I will have a good working environment

with good colleagues too..

AND of coz.. a good family & friends life too =)

2010-11-09T12:28:00.002+08:00

Last week, during public holiday, we went malaysia - JB, with NI's church cell group friends, to play Go-Kart & watch movie & of coz enjoy the good food. =)

HAHA, it's one of the MOST "EVENTFUL" trip I ever had, and I bet NI's too!

oh~ one of the REALLY most amazing thing is that, this is the first time NI drove to malaysia! =)

FIRST, we had to wake up at 5+am..

coz we had to gather at Sembawang at 6.30am! 0.O haha

we wanted to meet early in hope to miss the holiday jam at customs @ woodlands

SECOND, we didnt manage to miss the jam! =/

the jam is super LONG!!! we were stuck in the jam for almost 3 hours!!! 0.O!

this is not the end of the story..

THIRD, when crossing the custom,

there was no one at the counter to stamp on our passport,

so NI just drove to the tap system to pay the money,

and then the barrier just move up and let our car pass! -.-

so now.. we are illegal immigrant -.-

like HUH? no one to stop us? we can juz cross like that?

haha no wonder some people can freely move across certain places.. haha

FORTH, so after having our breakfast, NI's dad strongly suggest that we return back to the customs to get our passport stamped.

yups. so we went back. As expected, the officers tried to make things difficult for us.

Then, we were asked to return back to Singapore and then re-enter again. -.-

okays. at least better than being charged or what

FIFTH, when we return back to Singapore, we saw the long jam at woodlands customs, so we decided to go to Tuas customs, in hope for a shorter queue.

Even when we checked online for the status, the camera view showed very clear traffic at the bridge across to Malaysia.

BUT guess what, when we arrived there, then we realised that..

the traffic at the other end of the bridge is SCARY!

we took another 3 hours to reach the customs. -.-

it would not have been so uncomfortable minus away the heating sun, inconsiderate drivers, 4 people squeezing at the back of the car, and the urge to faster wanna play Go-Kart and enjoy ourselves on this holiday!

when we finally reached malaysia.. it was already almost 4pm! haha

we started off the day at about 5+am.

In total, we spent about 6 hours in the jam.. "we wonder why~"

okays.. then everything seemed nice..

we enjoyed ourselves at the Go-Kart (though we only played twice)

BUT NI had a hard time trying to fit the helmet into his head. hahaha

the helmet was sticking out of his head! hahah

then we went to have a fast dinner @ KFC,

and by that time NI is already showing signs of gastric and irritation,

coz some people just simply ain't productive and their pace is really slow

(that's why we had to wait a total of 6 hours in the jam.. its not juz bcoz there's too many cars.. there's also another impt factor.. haha)

then we managed to catch our 1st 3D movie! MEGAMIND! =)

haha. BUT then.. NI's stomach is challenging him, coz of the gastric as well.

(we only had 1 very light meal at 10am, then our dinner at 7pm, 9 hrs without food & minimal water intake)

so.. he didnt really manage to enjoy the movie much too..

though i was kinda excited over this 3D thingy =p haha

then.. we went to eat seafood porridge as recommended by jasper, and its really nice! =)

BUT then NI's stomach is still giving him problems. Yet he managed to pull through and still drive us around.

just as we thought that we are going to end this tiring day pleasantly..

another issue happened.

SIXTH, we were at the petrol kiosk pumping petrol.

NI who once worked in a petrol kiosk before, was pumping the petrol, as the kiosk attendants over there will not help you.

Then suddenly, I heard splashes of water..

The oil was spilling out!! and splashed over NI's body too!

(luckily it didnt splash on his face)

The pump was spoil! and the sensor wasn't working! -.-

then we used alot of water to clean the car and the floor area.

BUT there was a small plastic on the floor, and when NI drove off, I saw sparks!

The car behind us witnessed the whole process. haha and i think he was scared..

I went up to clean the floor area again, and took away the plastic. Oh man..

WHAT A DAY..

so much experiences for a day which we looked so forward to relax ourselves.

haha.

but nonetheless, we learnt alot from this one day! perhaps it was to better prepare us when we are going to unfamiliar grounds next time! =) yet at the same time, we are all back safe and sound! =)

and i bet no one had ever tried 2 different customs within half a day! haha

wat a record!

2010-11-03T21:39:00.003+08:00

Xh and I visited clifton a few days back.

It was his bday =)

Brought him a lovely sunflower again.

But this time round, I didnt have to climb the dustbin cover,

and neither did we need to get other people's help to put the sunflower.

coz... i brought along a small chair!

We are now able to put the sunflower up nicely =)

i hope he likes it!

Also, we are able to reading the little notebook that we did for him,

it is still hanging over there.

Those camp days that we all spent together..

all the memories that brings us joy and laughter =))

2010-10-30T01:20:00.002+08:00

Something which I learnt during class about resilience & loss.

If someone ever tells you, "Its ok, time will heal"

Too bad. It wont.

There was a boy who lost his brother for 9 years.

"Time doesn't heal"

He still finds it hard to not burst into tears when mentioning his name.

"Time doesn't heal"

There was lady who had a miscarriage.

Don't say "Its ok, you guys are still young, can still have another baby."

It doesn't work this way.

A lady whose body self-terminate the pregnancy at 5th month.

Her baby dropped out of her while she is in the toilet in the hospital.

There was alot of blood.

She quickly grabbed the tissue paper, and laid her baby there.

Her baby was so bloody, almost looking like a big clot of blood.

When she showed the nurse, the nurse "eeekk" and told her to throw it away.

Her husband didn't want to see it,

as it just look like a disguising big clot of blood surrounded by bloody tissue papers.

"My baby," she cried.

Not foetus.

But her BABY.

They don't understand, they don't see him as a BABY.

All these are true stories shared by my lecturer.

She is so brave.

She once did a research to conduct the "Eastern Body Mind Spiritual" model

on a group of elderly who are nearing the end of their life.

She did the research on 40 people.

Till today, only 5 are still alive.

As social workers,

we use our body, our mind, our emotions, our relationship,

as tools to help our clients.

Unlike other jobs which uses actual TOOLS like computer, machines, etc..

to help them get things done for their customer.

Sometimes I wonder if I can take it.

Ethical dilemma we face.

Values clashes that we have to handle.

Boundaries that we have to draw (not as easy as said).

Constantly being consciously aware of self.

Constantly upgrade ourselves.

Ensuring that we do no harm to clients.

Client's self-determination.

(though it hurts when we see them walk onto the wrong path)

Confidentiality.

Every single word we say,

Every single act we do.

We need to go through our brain 10000 million times,

yet it all has to be done in just a spilt second.

I'm already overwhelmed with the possible workload I'll be facing.

Not just the physical workload,

but also the emotional & spiritual (not religion, if you understand the actual meaning of it).

Am I capable?

Am I up to it?

Will I really be more of a help than harm?

Will I be able to match my pace with each individual client?

Can I handle it when faced with challenges?

Will I be able to overcome all the hurdles?

Can I cope?

So much uncertainty.

But why did I choose this path at the beginning?

If I were to choose again, will it still be the same?

Life's all about choices.

If you are to choose again.

If you can choose.

What will you choose?

2010-10-27T00:05:00.002+08:00

71: Into the Fire

oh man.. this is really a great show..

though very disheartening and depressing..

but its based on the true story of 71 student soldiers who fought the korean war..

i'm impressed..

and also thankful that we are not living in those war era..

and i guess that's why people our generation are not really appreciating what we have now, and take things for granted..

oh man..

politics, war, capitalism, economy, everything..

seemed to be just like a game..

just a game which humans create the rules, and we all are just playing it..

2010-10-18T15:00:00.002+08:00

ah ma fell down at toilet juz ytd night..

dislike the idea tat ah ma is going to be bed bound.

even more dislike the idea tat she is going to a nursing home.

the whole feeling is so different when i was a medical social worker intern,

recommending to families the option to send the patient to a nursing home.

i knw subconsciously what it meant to be in a nursing home.

more or less knw the procedures.. the technical stuffs, the facts, etc..

dislike the whole idea..

im going to miss her at home..

when she used to drown us with overwhelming amt of snacks..

2010-10-06T00:08:00.002+08:00

A lady who really deserves more than juz respect from us..

Mdm Kwa Geok Choo.. Beloved wife of our MM Lee...

who juz "moved on" on sat..

it was only till now,

then i start to realize how impt she is in MM Lee's life..

how impt she is to Singapore..

it was only until now..

then i realized that when we talk abt MM Lee,

we will always speak abt Mrs Lee..

both of them come together as a package..

like wat MM Lee said,

he wont be complete without her..

and he may not be doing what he is doing without her..

And i guess why some of us never really realize all her contributions..

is coz.. she is really a low profile woman, who chose to do everything in no recognition of anything..

just because she places her husband before everything..

to avoid people talking behind their backs, Mrs Lee chose to do everything in no recognition, just in case they say "bad" things about her husband. Though her intensions may meant good.

I guess, she's the 1st role model lady whom I admire..

though I may not really know her..

but in my eyes, she's like the "Cinderella" in a fairy tale, which all the kids want to be..

MM Lee must have felt quite lost right now..

I cant imagine how life is going to be for him now..

6 decades of marriage together..

they muz have went thru alot, esp when he is such a high profile guy..

esp when Singapore is his responsibility..

I think.. I hope.. She hasn't have any regrets..

coz she gave in her everything for her husband, family and Singapore..

endlessly, and willingly..

For the 1st time,

I'm inspired to read MM Lee's story..

Youths like me, so ignorant and taking things for granted..

I think its time for me to WAKE UP and better appreciate the society I'm living in now..

2010-09-29T22:29:00.002+08:00

elene LIKES this!

haha. i think this is very CUTE & sweet too! =)

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?

Patrick: Wait for you to come back.

erm.. i always think that spongebob & patrick are BOTH GUYS.. so are they?

would that make them gays?? hahaha.

okokays, shldnt spoil the whole fantasy innocent world of the kids! =)

nonetheless, i think they are SWEET! =)

2010-09-28T22:29:00.002+08:00

happened to read thru some facebook messages that NI & I exchanged last time..

its really nice to recall the memories for the past 10months..

be it sweet & happy

or tough & suffering..

i think all these are parts and parcel towards building a better future tgt! =)

okays.. i have to rest early..

tml morning have SUPER EARLY filming for the project..

and thank god that my eyes are quite fine & everything seemed to be pretty good..

was waiting for tml night to faster come..

so that i can wash my hair & face! =) haha!

2010-09-28T18:08:00.002+08:00

OYA!

i recalled sth..

immediately after the lasik,

i called NI NI, and tis was the first thing i told him,

"nxt time we muz get our kids to be a eye surgeon,

go inside the operating room, TINK TINK TINK, less than 5 mins ended,

and can earn SO MUCH MONEY!'

hahaha

oh well.. isit too late if i become one now? =p haha